May 2024 – SelahVi

05/25/202409/02/2024

How God Helped Me Understand Fear & How To Overcome It

Fear is the enemies greatest weapon. It is the only weapon in the world that can’t be disengaged with anything other than a double edged Sword.

The double edged Sword.

Without it, fear is paralyzing.

It keeps us bound by the weight of a million chains, restrained by what feels like unattainable freedom, confining us to four invisible walls -while muffling the voice of our Savior. With our efforts to escape; mere reminders of how much weight fear bears. Leaving us crippled; unable to walk in the freedom we so desperately seek.

And yet, fear is powerless. It only becomes powerful when we lean into our doubts rather than the promises of Christ.

And It doesn’t waste any time.

The very moment we turn away from those promises, fear sinks it’s sharp fangs into our minds – working tirelessly to constrict our faith.

Just as a snake ambushes it’s prey, so to does fear engulf the children of God.

I can remember being afraid on several different occasions throughout my life, for different reasons but, one in particular that began three years ago.

I can distinctly remember when I felt God leading me to start this blog; and the fear that came along with it.

I thought that He was absolutely nuts. I couldn’t figure out why He would ever want me to start a blog. So, I argued Him on it which went extremely well, as you can imagine.

”yeah, right. Me? There’s no way God. Are you sure?” I often rebutted.

Needless to say, He let me get out all of my excuses.

Then, those “normal” fears began to set in – what if I’m not good enough? What if it isn’t perfect? What if it isn’t impactful enough? What if I make a grammatical error and someone is just sitting there laughing at me while they’re reading? *gasp*

So, I began to pray and seek His guidance-

“If you really want me to do this, please make the desire stronger and if this isn’t of you, please take it off of my heart completely…”

…and the desire got stronger,

Of course.

Day in and day out for the next three years or so, I stayed in this constant cycle of thinking about it, putting it off, praying about it, trying & failing at it, doubting myself, and being afraid. A cycle that never seemed to end, it became the broken record blog.

The more that I resisted, the more stuck and unfulfilled I felt. I would try to open all of the wrong doors and it would seem that God had brought me to a crossroads and met me there.

It was evident that moving in a different direction wouldn’t be an option and it was time to face whatever was truly blocking my ability to see this blog through. It ran deeper than those “normal” fears. What I was truly afraid of, was God abandoning me.

I learned fairly quickly that God didn’t want me to just believe Him, He wanted to show me that I could, to know His true character as my Father. And He knew that the only way to show me that He would never abandon me was for me to extend my hand into His hand at that crossroads, giving Him the ability to never let it go.

What scared me more than anything else was what would happen after I started it and if God would still be with me after. I thought my listening to His leading and taking that leap would be my time to shine – time to perform – time to prove to God what I could do. I believed this blog to be more of a test rather than a calling. But, the caveat was that I was trying to do something on my own that couldn’t physically be done without Him. So, out of complete frustration, I cried out to Him-

“Okay God, you win, I’ll start it. We’ll do this your way but, what happens if it’s not perfect or it’s not up to your standard, are you going to be disappointed in me? You’re just going to give up on me, right? What happens after I start it huh?”

As the words left my mouth, I was overwhelmed with tears, peace, and relief. After speaking those final words, there was a pause as He whispered His promise into my heart, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Oh how I delighted in being proved wrong.

I knew that’s all He wanted – was for me to willingly give Him my deepest fear that would in turn, give Him the chance to show me that He would always come through on His promises.

I started my blog just a few days later where I wrote my first post from start to finish in three hours. God was not only patient with me through my fears but, He held His hand out in the midst of them, pulling me through them.

I realized then and there that I could’ve been afraid for the next 20 years and God never would have budged. He would’ve spent every day whispering into my heart that it was time to write. Not to be pushy but, to ensure that I knew that I could trust Him.

I was terrified to try, to be seen, and to let God down. I didn’t want to give Him any reason to abandon me. But, I’ve now learned that it’s impossible not to overcome our fears when we take Gods hand.

He wasn’t waiting for me to be perfect, get the right education or experience, or even do it all on my own, He was just there waiting – waiting for me to begin to wonder if He would come through on His promises. Waiting for me to be honest and lay my burdens at His feet (Mathew 11:28).

Waiting for me to give Him a chance to be God – to be the Lord of my life and my Savior.

He replaced my fear with His joy, my weakness with His strength, and He uprooted my insecurities, replacing them with the roots of His promises.

With a little bit of wonder, we give faith the ability to take root in our hearts. And with a little bit of faith, God can move mountains (Mathew 17:20).

Fear wants us to depend on our doubts – rather than depend on our God. If the enemy can keep us in a constant state of doubt, we will never be able to fully depend on God.

Fear keeps us in the boat when Jesus is leading us to walk on the water with Him.

Fear keeps us bound to destruction when God is calling us to flee to the mountains.

Fear will never release it’s shackles until we hold out our hands and ask Jesus to unlock them.

So, if we decide to wonder, just for a moment, and take His hand in the midst of our fears – He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Isaiah 41:10). His rod and His staff will comfort us because no matter the darkness of the valley, He will be there with us (Psalm 23:4). That no weapon formed against us shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). And That He will be with us until the end of the age (Mathew 28:20).

I hadn’t forgotten His promises, I just chose to wonder if they could be true and decided to give God the chance to be who He is and do what He says He’s going to do.

…and sometimes, that’s all the faith He needs.

So today, just begin to wonder if His promises could be true and watch what He does when you give Him your hand.

Because fear will paralyze you if you let it.

XOXO,

T.S

05/11/202408/21/2024

The Mercy In Our Mistakes

Mistakes are a funny thing. They are the one thing we never want to make but, without them, how would we ever know the mercy of God?

I used to hate my mistakes and in return, hated myself for making them. I went so far as to believe that even though I was saved and Jesus believed that I was worth saving, I was not worthy of His sacrifice, His using, or His calling.

Shame can do that to a person and it did that to me.

But, God didn’t let it do that to me for long.

My phone lit up with an Uber eats order and as I was accepting it, I kissed my pups and my hubby, and I sprinted out the door. When accepting these orders, you are given two destinations; the first where you are picking up what was ordered and the second; where you are delivering it, the estimated mileage and time it will take, as well as the directions to get to where you’re going.

It was taking me on a route that I knew pretty well and it was going to take me about 14 minutes in total.

Or so I thought.

After driving for a couple of minutes, I knew that I’d be done with this pick up and delivery as quickly as I had accepted it because I knew exactly where I was. I set my phone down and began to enjoy the drive only to look down and find my maps rerouting.

“Huh? That’s weird.” I thought.

I had taken a very unnecessary wrong turn that led me on to the highway.

A very bumpy highway.

With a heavy sigh and a lot of frustration, I continued driving to the next exit only to find my maps frozen at the exact moment that I came up to a three way intersection. I had absolutely no idea which way to go so, naturally, I guessed. You know, used basic logic. And did I guess right?

Absolutely not.

But, thankfully, my maps finally unfroze, leading me to turn back around and deliver the order just moments later. It was during those last few moments that I began to realize that this was an answered prayer, in the most unexpected way.

Smiling and relaxing in the drivers seat, I became so thankful for that bumpy highway because it was then that I realized that my destination and purpose never changed despite my wrong turns, mistakes, and frozen map along the way. Those things only prolonged the time that it would take me to get there.

I spent a long time believing that my mistakes would not only keep me far from Jesus but, that they would keep Him from wanting to be near me at all.

It’s so hard to grasp that Jesus could ever want to be close to us after the things that we’ve done and the mistakes that we’ve made.

Let alone, want to use us for His glory.

Sometimes we may even fear that our mistakes will lead Him to want to give our calling to someone else. Because we just keep messing up and we’re not “getting there” fast enough. I know that I’ve feared that and have asked God many times not too. Letting Him know that I would get there, pleading with Him not to give up on me.

I began to view God through my shame instead of viewing shame through my God – and it led me to believe that I was unusable. But, He taught me a valuable lesson that day. That those wrong turns and mistakes will never change the destination. They will never change the calling. And they will never change Him.

Those wrong turns in the road have already been accounted for because our sin has already been atoned for.

He is with us in the wrong turns and the mistakes, and He’ll always be there to guide us right back.

Because that’s who He is.
We are not powerful enough or sinful enough to turn Him away. It is because of His power and our sin that He sent His Son to die for us. And it is by that death that we are able to live and live to be used by God.

Isaiah 30:18;

“Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you.
For the Lord is a God of Justice; Blessed are all those who wait for Him.”

XOXO,

T.S.

05/01/202409/02/2024

The Messy Bun of Gods Grace

Gods grace is a beautiful mystery.

A mystery that we can’t fully understand but, can always count on.

Awhile back, I told God that I wanted to understand His grace better and needed His help to accept it even though I didn’t fully get it.

And here’s how He did it.

You see, God knew what I was going to pray a few years before I ever brought it up to Him so, our journey of grace discovery began way back when – when I had a strong desire for curly hair.

I distinctly remember the moment of wanting curly hair. It was as if God had that desire ready and placed it securely with His index finger somewhere deep within my heart.

After 8 or 9 years of straightening my hair, dying it every color from blonde/red to blonde/dark brown to brunette (for a short time), back to blonde to bleach blonde, I wondered how strange that desire was – because I knew that I had completely ruined my hair.

“With so much damage, how could I ever have curly hair? “ I wondered.

Fast forward a few months and a blonde at the time, my desire to be blonde had faded away, replaced with an unusual desire for my natural brunette hair color (according to my roots). As I walked into the salon a blonde, I walked out as a brunette with a few low lights to keep me from going into some kind of shock –

and short hair.

Having always had longer hair with the exception of two shorter cuts throughout my life, that I despised, a short haired desire made it’s way into my heart. Looking back on it now, it was God leading me to cut away the dead hair to allow the new hair to grow. And new hair grew indeed – about 7 inches worth of what looked like a balayage gone side ways & 3 inches of dead ends. About a year or so later, a desire to cut my hair extremely short creeped in. I left the salon cutting off those 10 inches with new waves peeping through my roots that led the stylist to ask if I had wavy hair. I remember having a big grin on my face, wondering how in the world that was even possible.

“Could I have curly hair?” I thought.

With my hope growing, I began trying to replace heat with curly hair products and it was an absolute disaster. I had new cowlicks, new kinks, random frizz, random curls, random waves, and honestly, just a huge mess that was weighed down with the wrong shampoos and conditioners. After giving up and losing hope, I started wearing my hair up in a messy bun that also failed me 6 months later. I began to get severe headaches and an extremely sensitive scalp that kept me from keeping my hair up for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I tried claw clips and they always failed me, never wanting to reveal the mysterious single strand of hair that causes excruciating pain when pulled back. My messy buns were my go tos and now, I couldn’t imagine what to do or where to start.

Those painful messy buns led me to begin wearing my hair down again – with the awkward kinks, random curls, and even more random strands of straight hair – all while fighting oily hair that continued to get worse no matter how often or lease often I would shampoo and condition. Before you start thinking about dry shampoo, that failed me too.

Needless to say, I wanted to scream. I was done. I couldn’t straighten it. I couldn’t let it air dry. I couldn’t find the correct products. I couldn’t wear it up. I couldn’t blow dry it. And I really couldn’t take it. So, I tried my luck with a diffuser and it was amazing… because it didn’t work.

So, I finally prayed. “Lord, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what I’m doing. Please lead me to the right products and please bring out my natural hair if it’s curly.” In Jesus’ name, of course!

A few weeks later, my husband and I traveled home for the weekend and God began to do His thing. My mother in law has gorgeous wavy hair that I had never seen before and had to know what products she used. After finding one of the brands and starting to use them, I became astonished at what my hair began to do. My jaw literally dropped. So, I gave my diffuser another shot and it was like I had someone else’s head of hair. I couldn’t believe the volume, the curls, and the lack of grease that I had. The Lord led me to a few tips and tricks that I had missed, the proper vitamins, nutrition, and exercise and voila, THE CURLS YA’LL, THE CURLS.

The curls that I have never had, in my whole life, but the same ones that were placed securely on my heart by God a few years back.

“It is possible,” I said to myself in disbelief.

My hair is no where near perfect, my hair is still healing from the years of damage, and ya girl is still learning how to use a diffuser without blowing my hair straight into my eyeballs but, each day is more exciting because new curls reveal themselves.

I’m so grateful for those painful messy buns.

As I was driving to work, smiling at the curls that I now have – I started thinking about all the damage that I had done to my hair, all the mistakes that I had made with it and wondered how God could give me such beautiful hair that I absolutely love after years of hating and completely destroying the hair that he had already given me. And then it hit me,

“Now that, that’s grace.”

It was like being hit with a ton of bricks and a lightbulb going off all at the same time, because I finally understood grace.

This is what got me – no matter what I had done to my hair, how many times I tried to change it, how much damage I had done, and how much I hated it, God was not offended by me or my actions. He wasn’t waiting for me to come to Him so that He could teach me a lesson about appreciating all that He has given me. No. He was compassionate and heart broken because I couldn’t see all that He could see. I couldn’t see myself the way that He sees me. He could see that it wasn’t the hair that I hated but, that it wasn’t something that could help shield me from bullies or being called ugly. He saw through my actions to the broken heart that He was already planning to mend years down the road. He couldn’t wait to for me to open my heart to the possibility of His grace so that He could show me what He sees rather than what shame made me see.

Grace is not because of us. It is not a reward for doing good works or something that we earn. It is not because of our efforts or lack there of. It is not in His hand waiting for us to be perfect enough to receive it. It is not because God feels sorry for us and it is not some sort of bribe.

Grace is Gods favor and faithfulness through the blood of Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9;

“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I could never understand why I was never able to find those very painful mysterious pieces of hair any time that I threw my hair up but, I know now that without them, I would have never allowed God to reveal the curls and my view of grace would still be fuzzy.

With every frustrating day of wishing we looked like “those other girls,” every time we’re called ugly, every wrong product we use, every strand we damage, every time we reject or hate that something that we were born with, or when we just can’t get it right, know that the grace of God is intricately woven through every painful thing that we don’t understand. Always with you, waiting for you to give up on your messy bun to give you those desires He placed in your heart so long ago, those desires that have been renewed.

God is standing with us, full of compassion – whispering to us that because we are made in His image, we are exquisite.

He has prepared that path for us and is ready to walk those steps with us, having already prepared those curls to peep through.

Every messy bun is already a masterpiece to Him, no matter how messy it may be.

But, it’s time to let it down so, He’ll have room to show you those new curls.

XOXO,

T. S.