Fear is the enemies greatest weapon. It is the only weapon in the world that can’t be disengaged with anything other than a double edged Sword.
The double edged Sword.
Without it, fear is paralyzing.
It keeps us bound by the weight of a million chains, restrained by what feels like unattainable freedom, confining us to four invisible walls -while muffling the voice of our Savior. With our efforts to escape; mere reminders of how much weight fear bears. Leaving us crippled; unable to walk in the freedom we so desperately seek.
And yet, fear is powerless. It only becomes powerful when we lean into our doubts rather than the promises of Christ.
And It doesn’t waste any time.
The very moment we turn away from those promises, fear sinks it’s sharp fangs into our minds – working tirelessly to constrict our faith.
Just as a snake ambushes it’s prey, so to does fear engulf the children of God.
I can remember being afraid on several different occasions throughout my life, for different reasons but, one in particular that began three years ago.
I can distinctly remember when I felt God leading me to start this blog; and the fear that came along with it.
I thought that He was absolutely nuts. I couldn’t figure out why He would ever want me to start a blog. So, I argued Him on it which went extremely well, as you can imagine.
”yeah, right. Me? There’s no way God. Are you sure?” I often rebutted.
Needless to say, He let me get out all of my excuses.
Then, those “normal” fears began to set in – what if I’m not good enough? What if it isn’t perfect? What if it isn’t impactful enough? What if I make a grammatical error and someone is just sitting there laughing at me while they’re reading? *gasp*
So, I began to pray and seek His guidance-
“If you really want me to do this, please make the desire stronger and if this isn’t of you, please take it off of my heart completely…”
…and the desire got stronger,
Of course.
Day in and day out for the next three years or so, I stayed in this constant cycle of thinking about it, putting it off, praying about it, trying & failing at it, doubting myself, and being afraid. A cycle that never seemed to end, it became the broken record blog.
The more that I resisted, the more stuck and unfulfilled I felt. I would try to open all of the wrong doors and it would seem that God had brought me to a crossroads and met me there.
It was evident that moving in a different direction wouldn’t be an option and it was time to face whatever was truly blocking my ability to see this blog through. It ran deeper than those “normal” fears. What I was truly afraid of, was God abandoning me.
I learned fairly quickly that God didn’t want me to just believe Him, He wanted to show me that I could, to know His true character as my Father. And He knew that the only way to show me that He would never abandon me was for me to extend my hand into His hand at that crossroads, giving Him the ability to never let it go.
What scared me more than anything else was what would happen after I started it and if God would still be with me after. I thought my listening to His leading and taking that leap would be my time to shine – time to perform – time to prove to God what I could do. I believed this blog to be more of a test rather than a calling. But, the caveat was that I was trying to do something on my own that couldn’t physically be done without Him. So, out of complete frustration, I cried out to Him-
“Okay God, you win, I’ll start it. We’ll do this your way but, what happens if it’s not perfect or it’s not up to your standard, are you going to be disappointed in me? You’re just going to give up on me, right? What happens after I start it huh?”
As the words left my mouth, I was overwhelmed with tears, peace, and relief. After speaking those final words, there was a pause as He whispered His promise into my heart, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Oh how I delighted in being proved wrong.
I knew that’s all He wanted – was for me to willingly give Him my deepest fear that would in turn, give Him the chance to show me that He would always come through on His promises.
I started my blog just a few days later where I wrote my first post from start to finish in three hours. God was not only patient with me through my fears but, He held His hand out in the midst of them, pulling me through them.
I realized then and there that I could’ve been afraid for the next 20 years and God never would have budged. He would’ve spent every day whispering into my heart that it was time to write. Not to be pushy but, to ensure that I knew that I could trust Him.
I was terrified to try, to be seen, and to let God down. I didn’t want to give Him any reason to abandon me. But, I’ve now learned that it’s impossible not to overcome our fears when we take Gods hand.
He wasn’t waiting for me to be perfect, get the right education or experience, or even do it all on my own, He was just there waiting – waiting for me to begin to wonder if He would come through on His promises. Waiting for me to be honest and lay my burdens at His feet (Mathew 11:28).
Waiting for me to give Him a chance to be God – to be the Lord of my life and my Savior.
He replaced my fear with His joy, my weakness with His strength, and He uprooted my insecurities, replacing them with the roots of His promises.
With a little bit of wonder, we give faith the ability to take root in our hearts. And with a little bit of faith, God can move mountains (Mathew 17:20).
Fear wants us to depend on our doubts – rather than depend on our God. If the enemy can keep us in a constant state of doubt, we will never be able to fully depend on God.
Fear keeps us in the boat when Jesus is leading us to walk on the water with Him.
Fear keeps us bound to destruction when God is calling us to flee to the mountains.
Fear will never release it’s shackles until we hold out our hands and ask Jesus to unlock them.
So, if we decide to wonder, just for a moment, and take His hand in the midst of our fears – He promises that He will never leave us nor forsake us (Isaiah 41:10). His rod and His staff will comfort us because no matter the darkness of the valley, He will be there with us (Psalm 23:4). That no weapon formed against us shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). And That He will be with us until the end of the age (Mathew 28:20).
I hadn’t forgotten His promises, I just chose to wonder if they could be true and decided to give God the chance to be who He is and do what He says He’s going to do.
…and sometimes, that’s all the faith He needs.
So today, just begin to wonder if His promises could be true and watch what He does when you give Him your hand.
Because fear will paralyze you if you let it.
XOXO,
T.S